See me grow

Early August--somewhere around conception





















Preggo belly 15 weeks






















Preggo belly 18 weeks

Life is fragile...

So some dramatic things have been happening lately on the family front. Recently we found out my sister miscarried. I can't tell you how hard that was, considering we were due within a few weeks of each other and she was so excited. It's hard to carry on my pregnancy and show that I am happy about it, while I know she had to go through that.

I know she'll do fine though...in a few weeks probably try again. It's just all an awkward situation...much more than I'd write in this post. Still, I wish I could do something for her but I wonder if coming from me, it would just seem like double-pity. Like she knows I feel guilty that my unplanned pregnancy is still on and her planned, tried-for pregnancy is not.

Has anyone else had to deal with something like this? Someone close to you losing a baby while you were pregnant or just had a baby?

Got my shot...

Well I got my H1N1 vaccine finally today. Hit the stainless steel drums! It has seemed like forever that I have been waiting to get it. I had called a bunch of places over the past couples weeks and no one seemed to have or know when they'd get it. They were offering it only to the school districts first since they are the biggest group to spread it around. I agree that makes sense, but I think they should cover the high risk groups right away too.

Anyway, I drove an hour and a half today to get it. Luckily, there wasn't a large line. Strangely though, the operation for my son's school district vaccination day was so much more organized and had so many more people working it than this one which was basically for a much wider group. There were only about 15 people giving out the vaccines and 2 officers. And they were just chilling on the bleachers not doing a thing. At my son's school, there were at least double the amount of people administrating and 10-15 officers (and SWAT team) people around. I remember thinking though, "isn't this a little much?" What do they think, someone is going to come in waving a gun saying, "gimme the vaccine or else!"

Just my 2 cents...

Oh so did I tell you I finally got on my husband's health plan. Yeah, after the big fiasco of receiving the call from my OB's office that I'd have to pay a whooping $12,000 or more for delivery I was like, "what!!!" So I luckily was able to get on his plan in a jiffy.

I found out my individual plan was just horrendous in the fact that they do not cover really anything. Yes, the plan was cheap...but I figured it covered more than it did. Plus, their books were so misleading. Urgh...I loathe these people. They are so....so....urgh, I can't think of the word. Sneaky maybe...conniving...not forth coming...they just rip people off or sucker them into thinking that they are covered.

All I have to say is if you have an individual plan, pull out your book, call up your company and throw some scenarios at them to find out how much in a hole you might be. Ask them if you got in a car accident and had to get an ambulance ride, blood tests, CAT scan and perhaps minor surgery how much that will cost you. Ask them how much you'd be paying if you got pregnant. Ask them if they have more than one deductible. Don't ever assume these plans will cover this or that, find out ahead of time!

Where to go...where to go.

The weather here is nuts. Cold one day, hot another...my body is so confused. And so is my cat. He is literally sitting here trying to figure out if he should shed some more or not. I tell him to keep it on; it will likely get cold again.

Sometimes I wish we lived in one of those places where the climate is more stable. I should try out some places. I bet I could check into some nice myrtle beach vacation rentals. That would be a great way to kill two birds with one stone; research new living locations and get some rest!

I am not sure if South Carolina is the perfect spot, but likely their weather is better than the Northeast. Plus, like I said I am not moving West. I am an east coast kind of gal...you know attitude and all. I think Florida is a little too hot. I love heat but dripping with sweat heat is not what I am talking about.

What is a break!

Is it Christmas yet? Urgh...I just want a break...a break from life. It almost reminds me of that commercial in the 80s..."gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar." Or maybe that crazy TV show "Gimme a break."

But in truth, we all need a break sometimes. I know I complain about that often but that is only because I feel like I never seem to stop these days. I am going from thing to thing. When I do get a free moment, I don't even know what to do with myself...so I start doing something again!

Vivid dreams

You know I have had the most vivid dreams these last couple months. They say that happens in pregnancy, but man, I don't remember it ever being this crazy when I was pregnant the other times. I am having like 3 or 4 memorable dreams a night. They are so much more real than my normal dreams. I actually wake up and have to think about it, "was that real?"

Or if I have a memory of a dream, I wonder, "is that a real memory of playing tennis with Kobe Bryant or was that just a dream?" No, silly...

I always, of course, have those dreams where there is either a bridge or some crazy roller coaster in it. The real core of the dream has to do with me hanging on for dear life somehow. I am usually in a car, or cart of some form vehicle trying to get through a spirly high maze of tracks or just trying to cross a narrow, high, weak bridge...I hate these dreams, I really do. I wake up in a cold sweat, griping the sheets as if I was trying to hang on. It really is creepy.

Something special

Well, my mood for shopping had come and past. I seriously go through the strangest phases. One minute gung ho about finding a unique and truly creative gift for someone and the next deciding to play it safe and just get Gift Cards. Not that gift cards are completely drab; they're not. You can always get a gift card for a unique store, or even for a service, like a spa treatment or car washes.

It actually encourages someone to do something nice for themselves when they may not otherwise. There are just certain things people don't tend to want to spend their own money on. I am like that with massages. I love getting them but without a gift card, I always feel wrong about going out and paying for it all myself. I think I've just talked myself into what I am getting a few people this year.

Whistling a new tune...

I am not sure if I should be stressing about this or not...about this whole H1N1 thing and being pregnant. At first, I was thinking, "there's no way I am getting that vaccine," just mentally picturing news coming out in a few weeks about how it can harm unborn children, such as giving them 4 arms and 2 noses. Then, at the park I bumped into a friend who, by trade, is an Immunologist. When he found out I was pregnant, one of the first things he asked was had I gotten my H1N1 vaccine.

Apparently, he is among the many scientists who believe the H1N1 virus is extremely dangerous to pregnant women...deathly dangerous and not just for the unborn child, but for the mother. I guess there have been a higher number of pregnant women hospitalized. According to the CDC, the rate of death due to swine flu in pregnant women is 4 times higher than the general population.

So, I started whistling a new tune...give me the H1N1 vaccine, and now where the hell can I get it? Well, needless to say in my state it is darn near impossible, even for someone like me in a high risk group. Finally after searching high and low I found a place an hour away that is giving them to high risk groups and got an appointment for Saturday. Now, can I avoid the germs until then? And even after then because it takes 2-3 weeks to build the antibodies once you get the vaccine. Please God...keep the germies away.

What a girl wants

So I've been thinking...holidays are coming up and I think this year, unlike most in the past, I will actually ask for something nice. Usually the hubs and I stick to the old, "oh, honey, you don't have to get me anything this year" bit, but at the end of the day, we always end up getting each other something; it just ends up being something we might not really like.

Now, I am not normally a jewelry girl, but now that I am going on baby #3 and I am picturing hours of labor and even more hours of sleep deprivation thereafter, so I think I am definitely deserving of a little something sparkly this year. I better ask for it now because once the college years start coming around, there won't be any extra cash laying around for luxury stuff if you know what I mean. And plus, we've both been working extra hard, I think we deserve to spend a little.

I have been browsing around already. I've seen some nice John Hardy necklaces that are giving me good vibes. I am torn though between a nice silver chain necklace, or a new ring. You should see this kali menari ring, talk about cool...love it. My earrings I don't change too often, and I like the ones I have now. I will keep browsing though...and starting to leave little hints. I want to tell him what I want, without having to really tell him if you know what I mean.

Feeling something cool

So guess what I've been feeling lately?

Depressed? No. Ecstatic? No. Heartburn? A little....no, but the big thing I have been experiencing is kicks! Yes, 17 weeks and already I feel actual kicks. I have to admit, I breed hardy kids. My first two were born at a sturdy 8 pounds or more. Once out, they grew, and grew and grew, like weeds. Both were in the 90% or higher (for height) from about 3 months on. I know, you are asking, what do I feed them? Broccoli, well, no, not at 3 months. I don't know what it is about it though, I just grow some nice big, strong kids. My daughter is a perfect example, she is 3 and a few months and she is 38 pounds and almost 40 inches! You pick her up and you can just feel the meat. She is solid... not fat, just solid.

So it is no surprise that this little one is showing off some skills down in the uter-us and having a good time. I just wish I knew the sex already. We originally had an appointment for tomorrow but I had to change it to a different date so that the hubs could come along this time. Really, it's out third, you'd think he had enough with all this. Well, I guess it is sweet he wants to be there...I know it is all about finding out the gender though. I just want a healthy sturdy kid!

Just checking out the selection...

Wow, today is warm! What the heck is up with this weather? Stormy, windy and rainy one day and then almost 70 degrees and sunny the next. Hey, I'm not complaining, I love this warm stuff in November. I'd keep it all year, or at least through the winter.

Today we went looking for new bathroom tiles. When we had our house built, they put in the cheapest builder tiles in the bathroom and when wet, they are so slippery. The kids have fell several times. I am one of those people that doesn't solve it with a short-term solution such as more mats and more towels...cause goodness knows, there is still the likelihood for an accident. So that's why we treked over to Lowe's to check out the selection of non-slip tiles. And I must say, nice...of course in passing, I am seeing other awesome fashionable bathroom stuff, like Grohe faucets and padded toilet seats and cool shower doors that have frosted glass. And now, I just want re-do our whole bathroom!

I know I can't...I mean we are trying to watch our budget but heck, it would be nice...

Consumed...

So where was I...on yeah, dealing with a hell of a work week people. Yes, my brain is fried. Stick a fork in me, I have no energy to compete with a Friday night. My friends are all going out, doing exciting things and I could crawl up and fall asleep right now.

Pitiful. Seriously...see the dark circles under eyes? And I don't think I can blame it on the baby...I am out of that first trimester fatigue phase. I just feel like worry has consumed me and is making me exhausted. Worry about work, this kid, my other kids, yadda, yadda, yadda. I even worry in my sleep. I have had the most vivid dreams lately and they are all stressful dreams!

I need some relaxation...and refresh.

It's everywhere!

I feel like it is time to take a moment and feel humble. This world is full of commercialism, marketing...greed. At every turn you will find a fancy car commercial or a store full of crisp plasma tvs. We are so far from nature and simplicity. When I say, "we" I am referring to the general folk in my town. Even though in truth, I don't live too far from the Amish. Still, our lives are consumed with all of this. How to get the latest and greatest cell phone, gaming system, iMac...it flows through our veins.

I think I need a day without all of this...just a day to remember what it's like...